Actually it is not so much a post rather a "declaration of living" - Which means?
It seems that every post I write here can be... "what a crap day" - I am still going to write some more of them, hells teeth it is fun to slit your wrists on line.....;-)
Actually it is the release and honesty of sharing my drivel here that is the most rewarding. Some people have just stopped talking to me and I have grown even closer to others. (To be clear I don't think anyone has stopped talking to me because they hate me, just they have not got the energy.)
So here it is...
Well it is not that great, don't get too excited, this is a HUGE LEAP for my but of little little consequence to your life.
I need to form the words in my head so I'll lead in with this....
I was explaining to my Dad what +Luis Suarez from IBM does, I showed him this video below....
I got all excited about how we can live, work and communicate and then found myself saying "on the weeks I work more like this I am more productive and I am less stressed".
My Dad said something like, "Well why don't you work like that all the time?"
At which I ran to the shed, got out a chainsaw do cut a circle around me in the floor and make a quick escape.
He was not trying to be smart, my Dad does not have a computer, in fact if he knew as much about computers and the internet as he does about playing the Organ he would have been able to built even more of a case.
In reality... (my reality)
Some days I stay at home because I need to rest, others I stay at home because I don't have the energy to talk to other human beings (even my BELOVED coworking gang) - which of course generates 'cabin fever'.
I was thinking about staying home tomorrow, but instead I made a lentil salad for lunch and got everything ready to go so I can be out the door with #Babybernie before I know what has happened.
About that reality.....
I don't need, want, have or such a huge set up as Luis, I am not going to give up email - I hardly get any anyway.
When I am "sharing" I work faster, better and can adjust more along the way. I am good at making quick decisions out loud (and even better at making a comeback) - when I have to think about something on my own?
DAYS I tell you.
I can over think making a cup of coffee, the emotional journey and connection with the art.... (I have just punched myself in the face on your behalf.)
Working out loud - is a phase that has really caught my attention this year.
What a nice idea, why don't I try that?
I have been thinking about this since August and it has been stabbing me in the back of the head ever since.
The real knife twist was when Luis came to London in Social Media Week September 2013 and spoke at a couple of events with us.
We were due to have a coffee on Friday and then I had to look after #Babybernie - miss my moment with this internet megastar?!!
Of course #Babybernie came along and it was much more fun wondering around Covent Garden than sitting being all serious about I.T.
At the end of our time Luis disappeared into the crowd like a "no email Super hero" #Babybernie looked at me, smiled and ran off.
As I chased after him (#Babybernie, not Luis) through Neal Street it did occur to me that life could be like this everyday. I don't need anything else. Often my head is always full of "stuff" - my energy is low - I get a wave of fear and panic everyday and I am not particularly up for taking even more prescription drugs to combat it.
Good food, good people and not getting in a situation where you will be burnt out are the way to go.
I don't have the luxury of my booming internet business clearing £1 million a month but I do have choices, fail safes, zest and ambition.
More than one of you have asked - how is the podcast going? Until last week it was going great, but it was only "going great" on my Google Drive and not "going great" at being published. There were technical delays, a couple of expensive mistakes were made early on but it was cold hard fear of being judged that stopped me hitting send.
Then I grew SO angry with myself. I was angry because I knew I was 'holding back' in case something went wrong. Other things I really value in the past has gone VERY wrong, I am still getting over it and the stupid part of something deep inside me is delighted to hold onto not doing anything. That way NOTHING will happen - which means nothing will happen.
What will happen? I'll stay stuck, pissed off and rotting away. Fear not viewers! I have read the Now Habit by Neil Flore - the line that slapped me round the head like a bucket of ice cold vomit was this...
"It takes as much energy to procrastinate as it doe to do the thing you need to do" - I was walking along the road in Dagenham on a Saturday morning when I heard that - in June 2013.
So here in November 2013 I have managed to get my head straight again - getting my head back in gear is happening faster, and it is really confidence building actually.
You see all the people I admire "work out loud' they share what is going on we read them and learn.
The people who annoy the hell out of me are the ones that slim onto the internet with shit fake smiles, pink shirts or white clothes and the way they talk in their blog is NOTHING like they'd speak in real life.
Last week at Bloggers Meet Up about "writing like you talk and think" then it is easy. So I am going to zoom on, write like I talk and think and 'journal' out loud here.
If I write any more it will be come another form of procrastination.
So working out loud this week...
Two big deals.
1. Publish all 20 Sharing Economy Radio podcast.
2. 'Ship' my online blog course.
Both of which are 'nearly done' ;-)
I am off to rest now.
More tomorrow afternoon!
Thanks for reading!