The last thing I need to do tonight before I sleep is send an email to a specific group of people about my blog course.
I have been procrastinating on it for a while, well months.
Of course writing this blog has made me sharpen up.
I when we are #coworking it is easy to share with people face to face all my productivity and focus woes. They have them too.
Writing it down an publishing it rapidly eradicates all the bollocks.
If you ever see me in real life please please say - have you blogged today Bernie?
It is not that I am dying for you to read it and tell me how wonderful I am.
It is much bigger than that - reminding me that what I want to do is write and blog is better than giving me money, coffee or Apple products. (well maybe not the Apple products....)
So, reader I procrastinated.
Yesterdays blog "Blood and guts" was great to write, fun and a huge weight off of my shoulders. I hated pretending everything was alright when clearly it was not. Also it is amazing how many people are in a similar position. (Dam! I thought it was just me)
What else happened today?
I had a good chat with Chris about how to shift a few steps in our own projects. Then with Andy about our off line London Bloggers Meet Up work shops, we are already getting orders in for next year and have not even launched!
I LOVE teaching about blogging, especially the writing and 'apps' part. There is a venom that bubbles up in me I have to get people to write.
I have am very clear - I am ONLY doing blogging stuff and my podcast - under both of these sit London Bloggers Meet Up and Ouishare respectively. Making this outward commitment has cleared my head in seconds. Large chunks of time were suddenly free in my schedule and more rewarding work around these two topics flowed in.
I am just about to finish that vital vital email that I have been working on alongside this....!
Going in for an Oil change
I still don't feel on top of things but I do feel energised like I have not done for a while. Today I went to an appointment to follow up my NHS CBT assessment (CBT = Cognitive behavioural therapy).
Far from shame and disfigurement this was a very welcome and open chat about what I need to work on.
It drives me insane, and I know it damages working relationships and most importantly exhausts #Supercoolwife (#Babybernie is just happy to have someone younger than him to play with).
(I will go into a bit deeper when I have not got to get up in four hours to catch a train to Brussels)
It is really interesting, quite frankly if you don't take time to get to know yourself, look at your behaviour, habits and how you deal with life you are living under a rock. One of the most energising things is that I know the agony of NOW is going to lead to much better things, this way of life life is temporary.
Where ever you are - be there
I was asked today at the assessment what I would do with the extra time if I was not 'stressed out / plotting my death / feeling a loser / hiding in bed'. Right away I replied cooking with my wife and child and not worrying about checking my phone.
The sheer luxury of walking down the road and being TOTALLY there with them would be a dream. I have to put so much effort into staying connected now it sucks. My mind drifts off into a panic about what work I think I should be doing in a sort of 'I hope I turned the oven off before I came out' way - it is not important it is invented panic and is exhausting.
I am going to stop here as I have to sleep! I am off to Brussels in the morning for Ouishare Summit