Make something of it!

Bollox, here we go again. 

The way I am feeling right now this will be a sad, sad, read. 

In fact it is really daring of me and the main reason I am writing is quite possibly so the both of you that read this will come and punch me in the face and say "just get on with it Mitchell".

I have been using up at least 30% of my head space thinking about whether to share about this or not.

So I decided to share.


Yesterday I did two events and one went BRILLIANTLY and the other one I died at.
Not even died like I comedian on stage (which I have done) I died because of negative feedback the day after.
I had banter with the crowd and thought it went ok and this person thought I was patronising.

Which filled me with a double dose of horror as I go out of my way to "not be patronising" - which is probably how I end up being patronising.

They said I was ill prepared, which I was, I knew what I wanted to talk about but was still messing around with my Haiku Deck Slides just before I went on. 

I have been staring at Trello and the project I am working on and all I can think about is this feedback. Now I am MAD at myself for taking it to heart. 

The thing is that I ASK for feedback and I am crystal clear this is how you get better, I even said in my talk about how you really need to ask people a few times to get out of them what they really think. 

Make something of it

So what I am really pissed about is that I am making something of it. I have always "had this" but at the moment unless I take dramatic action (like blog out loud) this becomes an all consuming, negative energy. 
It is not the "criticism" or "honesty" that kills me, it is some over-exaggerated sense of letting people down. 
Which of course means I spend time I don't have wallowing in what ever I am wallowing and then let the next person down.

What I want to make of it
Is to take the feedback and plough it into what is going on now, use it to improve, which I know is the sensible thing to do, and I have done in the past.

On an intellectual level I am great with this - in reality (in case you did not guess) it kills me.
I am not asking you "not to be beastly to me" far from it. 
What I want to get my head round is standing away from the drama and negative energy that slows me down. 

On being depressed
This "being depressed" thing is a short term thing, maybe I will always struggle with it but I am certainly not going to let it stop me living life. 

I have a particularly super amazing wife and child to go on adventures with (we have had many already). 

I am so not up for lying around and licking my wounds all day. As I am writing this two things occur to me. 
I need to start running again, Mike and Chris have both shouted about this being a good combat method. I don't want to go running because I will find out how fit I am not, I used to be really good - to find out I am a "fat Uncle" might be too much to take, well of course it is not. 

Getting back up on the horse - I am about to flee 90Mainyard and go to lead a panel on community. I am paranoid after last night. 
Paranoid I am sure is bollox, especially as I know it will be great fun. Silly me! 

Thanks for reading!
Sorry to moan ;-)

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