What we need, want and would like by Daniel Esparraguera

 



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As a Counsellor I am interested in how people form relationships. In my consulting room I work on a one to one basis to form a relationship to explore the possibility of change.  I’m not an advice giver in a therapeutic situation, more a freer of space to allow someone else the respect they are entitled to, to decide what is best for them.


 Everyone has a unique experience, their life and the story of it that is delivered in narrative. It is compelling stuff to hear and as people I believe we are attracted to narrative as a means of communication. When we hear a life delivered through narrative the information seems to almost arrive and be received in a different way, it is not just easier to understand, it is clearer as well.


 As business people when we hear or see a successful individual communicating their story our interest is even sharper. When we read a book, visit a Blog, subscribe to a Twitter account or join a Facebook group run by an individual who has managed to turn their idea in to a business that works, helps people and makes them money, why wouldn’t we be interested, after all we are in business to make some money.


 Whilst reading about how another person has reached their level of success is great, at times I am concerned about some of the advice that is shared particularly when it comes to the “How to think “ sections.


 There is no doubting that being encouraged to push past your particular process, pain, lizard brain, mindset, sub conscious, shipping, fear or limiting behaviour (highlight the one that fits with your business hero best) on the odd occasion is a good idea, but in the medium and long term, I’m not so sure.


 Whilst the narrative and thought changing process seems clear and I’m sure that there is plenty of encouragement on the page and in between the lines, is that enough?


 You’ve bought a ticket to a seminar, ordered a complete set of books from Amazon or paid for an e book off a site, but where is the relationship in this, what happens when it doesn’t work, you want your money back let alone the hours of effort, lost sleep and confused customers who thought they knew you? Do you even know how to reach that guru? Are they going to answer you in time?


 In case this isn’t clear I’m advocating building relationships with people. Having a relationship where you listen to another’s narrative and exchange your own is a healthy way to build on your network of trusted people. When we take the time and effort to get to know, like and trust another we also help them understand what we need, want and would like in our lives. It’s not the quickest route around, it might mean that you come back from a TAGtribe meeting for a while wondering where the new prospects are and how you are ever going to get a return on your involvement, but when you do need advice chances are you’ll find it in the room from someone who knows you and has heard your story.


 It’s quiet likely to be delivered without the vanity of a success coach or business guru and will involve a level of commitment over and above that which the author of a best selling book can deliver because the advice giver is standing in the room with you and wait for it, is a member of your community. Not only do they show up regularly, they engage with the concept of what it is to be in TAG.


 Taking the time to get to know someone is hard work, however when you’ve made the effort to communicate, which involves talking and listening, the return is worth the wait. Whilst advice from the great and good in the world isn’t to be sniffed at, neither is advice from the IFA or the Brand Evolutionist simply because they know you well enough to respect that you can decide for yourself.